“God, there are some nerds in this room.” ––Dominic McClaran

This dispatch reaches you one day after the 2025 Inter-Livery Quiz, known, henceforth, as the bloody Battle of Drapers’ Hall.  Late in the eve on February 19th, in the storied gilded trenches of Throgmorton Avenue, intellectual carnage was waged, hampers of the most luscious and exotic fruits and delicacies were won, and a near-skirmish put the Quiz Mistress’ own life in peril. 

In the days leading up to the fight, a casualty was suffered when quiz veteran David Knights was called abroad on another mission. But the Young Members are a resilient bunch, and they rallied, continuing their preparations. But, as we all know, there is another scourge that often accompanies war:  pestilence. It was with a heavy heart that the team lost another brave soldier to illness mere hours before the battle was to take place. It was a devastating blow, but the remaining four wished their comrade, Nick Markantonis, a speedy recovery before donning their war paint.

After a nourishing pre-battle feast and spirits emboldened by a tipple or two, the quiz commenced. Joined by a young mercenary from the Worshipful Company of Scientific Instrument Makers (attempt saying that three times fast), Naryan Seehra, the team had a respectable start. Common sense prevailed in the first question, a True or False concerning whether or not scientists discovered if hippos can fly [1]. Dominic McClaran, in a show of British patriotism which was, of course, never in doubt, recalled the color of the Horse Guards Parade running off The Mall, was only just shy of nailing the Six Nations pre-January odds and guessed with impressive estimation in the bonus tie-break (though points were not, sadly, up for grabs) the number of breweries in the UK [2]. The hired arms, Naryan, answered a tricky question on university rankings, and a joint effort between Charlotte Scott and Hollis Johnson closed out the first section of the quiz when they sounded out pictures to name the global phenomenon that had the world utterly “enchanted” last year [3]. Alas, the music round was starting to look bleak, but Hollis came in clutch with her impressive 80s beats repertoire, naming the popular song “A Little Respect” by which band? [4]

With the first half concluded, there was a ceasefire––nothing, not even war, shall get in the way of pudding!––and the YMs mingled with their sworn enemies. They befriended Tax Advisers and Pilots before regrouping with renewed vigor for the second round. Just like that, and living up to the team name, we were Back in Quizness! Though I was able to unscramble the following anagram of one of the Livery Companies in good time [5], it was clear the small band of brothers and sisters were in trouble when the remainder of the questions all had to do with obscure Livery knowledge, a departure from the mélange of trivia questions quizzed in last year’s battle. 

Anagram:  E R O T I C S H A P E A

Although the team made a valiant effort to guess at the odd tradition the Master of the Broderers must undertake after every meal, the name and Livery of the first female Master, and the name of the Livery for the crest below, the losses were piling [6]. In a last ditch effort to remain a contender, Charlotte solved the trickiest of crossword clue questions, finding the answer, a Livery, from the following:  in the tundra, persist to discover one of the great twelve [7]. The point for the longest Livery Company name was contested to say the least, the spirit of competition and raging testosterone nearly leading to a brawl over an incorrect answer and the near demise of the Quiz Mistress! Thankfully, she is tough as old boots and quickly brought the soldiers in line.

Nearing 23:00, the 24 teams, worn and weary, awaited in suspense the results. “Philip Smith’s Dining Society” came in last, winning themselves the coveted pineapple (yes, a real, edible pineapple). It is with great difficulty that I must report the following:  Back in Quizness tied for second-to-last place (15th) with “Insured in Case of Loss”, losing out on the pineapple by 0.5 a point––a narrow escape for some, a tragic and quite literal fruitless defeat for others. Though money for the Charitable Trust was lost by not having ranked in the top three, it was our pride which suffered the greatest humiliation. But, as this missive will no doubt make its way into the annals of history, it should be thusly recorded here that the winning team is suspected of violating the Convention on the Law of Fair Quizzing, having nine team members when the maximum was strictly set at six! Well, all to be said is that all is not fair in trivia and war…  

As the team, bruised and bloodied, sat ’round the table, tablecloth soaked in sweat and tears and mostly the water from a glass knocked over, it was with resigned disbelief that veteran Dom uttered the following, “God, there are some nerds in this room.” Next year, we vow to be some of them!

Over and out,

Devon A. Johnson, Trustee 

Answers:

1) False

2) Red; Ireland, France, England, Scotland, Wales, Italy; 1,800

3) Taylor Swift Eras Tour

4) Erasure

5) Apothecaries 

6) Sing; Sylvia Tutt, Secretaries and Administrators; Actuaries

7) Drapers